I Don’t Want A Lesson

Dear Tango Tia: Every time I go to a milonga this one guy asks me to dance and then tells me what to do the whole time. I think he thinks he’s helping me but it’s very annoying. He keeps talking when the music changes so we end up dancing two or three sets. I don’t want to say no because I’d rather dance than sit and as a new follower, not that many men want to dance with me, but I wish he’d just dance instead of bossing me around. How can I let him know.–I don’t want a lesson.

Dear Don’t Want A Lesson: Some men spend the majority of their time dancing with new followers for the exact reason you point out…they want to “help.” They are more interested in telling you what to do than in improving their own dance, and it’s an ego trip. They want to show you how much they know. However, you do not need to dance with these predators. After one of them has spent your time telling you what to do, feel free to say “No, thank you” they next time they ask you to dance, and do NOT feel guilty about it. You have the right to select partners, just as they do. Start being selective even if it means sitting now and then.

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